For a long time I swore off the “artificial” psychedelic medicines and felt that the “right” ones where the “natural” ones coming from the earth. Looking back I see how much judgement there is in that belief.
Who am I to judge what is right? And furthermore, what does “natural” really mean?
When those medicines started calling me I felt resistance and my mind would tell my intuition: “ok but it’s only to try it out so you have a better sense on how to guide other people in choosing a medicine to work with. It’s to have an embodied experience – your not going to actually work with these medicines”. But the universe and my guides had other plans.
My first meeting with the crystals confirmed my beliefs. It felt cold, and alien-like without the usual connection to “spirit” that I was used to from the earth medicines. In my journey I was in a desert with nothing in sight but wasteland under the scorching sun. No shades to rest in and no water to find anywhere. I felt completely alone and where I would normally lean into the spirit of the medicine, as I had done so many times before, I felt there was nothing to lean into. My body and nervous system went into regression and was re-experiencing the abandonment trauma from my premature birth, where I was put in an incubator without physical contact. I felt terrified of being left (again) and I clung to my therapist for dear life – which resulted in her actually having to hold my hand while I was peeing because I couldn’t handle being alone for just a second! Most of that session I spent curled up in her arms and when the session was coming to an end I didn’t feel ready for her to leave. Three days after I felt completely shattered and told myself “never again am I working with that medicine – it’s definitely not for me!”.
But something in me was apparently not completely done with the crystals and something in me felt pulled to give the medicine another chance. My mind would explain it as necessary for me to have a more nuanced view and not be so biased when I was guiding other people on their initial steps into the world of psychedelic medicine. So when a dear friend and colleague asked me if I would facilitate a group ceremony with him, with the crystals, I decided that it was a good way to see if I could get a more nuanced view and experience of the medicine. I was sober during the ceremony only working with rapé all night. Being in the room and holding the space I felt an immense love being present. All of the sudden a being emerged in front of me in the form of a beautiful crystal queen. She was made of beautiful crystals of light and even though she had sharp edges I felt her soft warmth and love. I had met the spirit of the crystal medicine!
Afterwards I felt her still with me. In my morning shower the day after the ceremony I felt vibrations in my whole body and she told me that as a thank you for holding the space for the group she would now work on me. She was with me for days working on my nervous system, rewiring it with love.
This experience had me re-evaluate my beliefs around the “artificial” medicines. When I tuned in and asked about it I got the following download:
“If man is part of nature, then how can anything man makes not be part of nature? Nothing somes out of nothing, so if it was made, the energy of it was already present in nature in some form or shape”.
This actually made a lot of sense to me.
Fast forward to autumn of 2022, where another dear friend and colleague asked me if I would like to help form a group of a couple of trusted people exploring Hofman’s medicine. I had not felt called to try that medicine at all, but the moment he asked I felt a big yes inside of me. Normally I have a hard time letting go in the onset when I work with the earth medicines, even with the Holy Children that are so dear to my heart I feel some form of resistance when the onset starts and I have to remember to breathe into it and remind my head that I am not actually dying. But with Hofmann’s medicine, I immediately felt home and it was surprisingly easy to let go, even though the onset was quite intense! Something felt so familiar with this frequency! I kept getting the feeling of celestial, star energy, seeing beautiful patterns of stardust in the sky above me. It reminded me of the movie Avatar.
What I keep feeling and receiving as a clear message is that the medicine comes from the stars. It’s otherworldly, being brought into form through a human channel (thank you Albert Hofmann!). Visions and downloads are so clear in this medicine and it feels like there is more clarity to harvest compared to the earth medicines that are a bit more organic and “twisted” by nature.
During my latest ceremony with this star diamond medicine I went really deep and experienced states of pure consciousness without a feeling of self or separation. My mind is still trying to process my experience and the deep wisdom I received. One of the messages I got what that:
You now have such a good grounding through the earth and the medicines of the earth that it is time to open up and connect more with the medicine of the stars. You have an opportunity to act as a bridge between those two worlds and be a channel for both energies in the ceremonial space.
This means I will begin to incorporate more of the star medicines in my offerings and I will begin taking people in at a reduced price to get more experience with holding space for these medicine journeys.
If you feel a call to journey with the star medicines with me as your shamanic therapist and facilitator, send me a message and we will set up a free call to find out if we are a match.